


I've been here. I've felt the same way.

by to_hell_where_all_the_lesbians_are



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Big Brother Technoblade, Dadza being awesome, Family Dynamics, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Protective Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Protective Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), References to Depression, Sad Wilbur Soot, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Techno is a good bro, Unconditional Love, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, Wilbur Soot-centric, my beta reader sleeps right now im sorry its like 1am, support and more support
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:08:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28513974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/to_hell_where_all_the_lesbians_are/pseuds/to_hell_where_all_the_lesbians_are
Summary: Wilbur is about throw himself off a bridge, Techno talks him dows and calls Dadza.They go home and have family support moments.orWilbur is feeling suicidal, but Techno knows him too well and the whole family is there to help.
Relationships: Wilbur Soot & Technoblade, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 29
Kudos: 577
Collections: SBI Family Dynamics & Hurt/Comfort





	I've been here. I've felt the same way.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for 4k hits, you guys are incredible!!!

A beautiful view. Lights dancing on the river, like a divine painting of dying stars. 

That’s what Wilbur saw, when he left the empty bus on the last stop. 

The final stop, because he’d never see anything else than that. He chose this place. It was peaceful and beautiful, far away from anything he ever cared about. 

Music in his headphones was way too loud for his liking, but he didn't dare turn it down, scared to hear his thoughts.

It was some time past 2am and Wilbur felt like smiling. There was some sweet resignation that brought him here. A promise of the final peace.

He has always liked street lights, mostly because they lit up the way, bringing him a feeling of safety. But now, he loved them, as he was almost invisible, hidden in the shadows between nearest lights. He was sitting on two metal poles, holding onto a different one, his legs dangling above the railing. 

People rarely visited this bridge this late, but they did occasionally. Of course, that event decided to occur exactly when the brunette was here, planning to make his death wish come true. 

In the light, a couple of young adults was sharing a quiet giggle, whispering back and forth, holding each other closely. 

In the dark, Wilbur was watching them. Just like he watched each day pass. Just like he watched his friends laugh. Just like he watched himself faking smiles whether his family looked at him. 

He was an amazing actor, but he was running out of lines. The script was getting messy, the props bloodied, each laughing scene harder than the previous.

He tried to improvise, but his audience was way too smart.

This act needed to end, before the actor breaks down and ruins the whole play. And he was so close. So close to just telling them he needs help, he's scared of his own thoughts, plans and he's even more scared because his plans bring him a twisted feeling of comfort and peace.

He was sick. But he didn't want medicine. That therapy would require putting up a fight, when he already dropped his weapon and closed his eyes.

He dreamed it'd be Phil who pushed the sword into his chest. He dreamed of dying in his dad's arms. 

But he was the one holding the sabre. It was touching his neck. He traveled all this way, just the final push. 

And he would fly.

The water would be holding him until his last breath.

He heard familiar piano sounds, as the last song on the playlist started. He was ready to finally end it all. 

One moment, one movement to finish it all. Oh, how fragile was a human life. 

Wilbur stared at death with a peaceful glare. 

She was wearing all black, golden jewels of the street lamps decorating her long dress. Her face was emotionless, but Will saw the tiniest glimpse of sadness in her expression, as his own tear hit the river's surface. 

"Is it worth it?" asked him Guilt. "You'll cause more suffering."

"You are nothing more but a rat, a stupid orphan taken in out of pity." laughed Self-esteem in response. "They will be happier without your fake face around"

"They care, but it only makes it worse. You are so pathetically weak you cant even fight for the only people who cared for you." 

"You don't deserve any of what they gave you." 

Worthless, is how he thought of himself. His own thoughts his only companions, watching him as he throws away all the chances life still might offer him. Giving up on all the smiles he could ever have. 

In his brain, this was the only rational solution. The only sleep to provide rest. 

He closed his eyes. 

"Will." 

He heard a familiar voice, as the last person he wanted there spoke. He wasn't ready to face any family members about this, Techno in particular. 

The most determined guy on Earth. No matter how many times he was about to lose, once he's mind was set on something, he could move mountains. 

Wilbur doubted if the pinkette could even comprehend the concept of giving up. 

So he just laughed. 

"Will, get down." his older brother sounded tired. Not angry, not disappointed, just tired. 

Wilbur understood how being tired feels. 

But he was weak. Too weak to still hold onto the rare moments of feeling anything other than numbness. 

"The water looks so cozy, Tech. " the brunette wasn't looking at his sibling. "I'm tired." _And I'm hurting and I'm tired of living, of pretending everything is alright when nothing is alright._ "I'm so tired."

He didn't care if he showed how vulnerable he was. Tonight was the night without consequences. Nothing he said or did matter anymore. 

All choices lead to the embrace of cold water. 

"I understand. " 

Wilbur turned to look at his brother. 

His eyes were baggy, filled with something he has never seen before in that steel hard blue. Helplessness. 

"Five minutes." a plea in his older brother's voice made Wil uneasy. "I know why you are here. Give me five minutes and then decide. Please, Wilby."

Wilbur felt something in his chest. It hurt, but not in the satisfying way his bruises did. He couldn't breathe. His lungs were filled by the tear that was falling off of Techno's cheek. 

He slipped onto the sidewalk. 

The air was pushed out of his lungs as his brother clung onto him. 

"Fuck. Don't ever fucking scare like that, ever again." 

He was held so tightly, the grip bringing him back to reality. Warmth so surreal, like a sudden light on a planet long forgotten by all stars.

"Listen. Will." Techno had troubles coming up with the right words. "Dad needs you. The boys need you. I… I need you, Wilby." 

The brunette returned the hug, hiding his face into the fur of his brother's coat, as tears rose to his eyes. When he felt them on his cheeks, he was surprised. He thought he was no longer capable of expressing such an emotion.

"Shhh." pinkette was slowly petting his hair. "It's going to be okay. I know you dont think it'll be, and, I can't prove it now.

So you'll have to trust me, okay?"

A part of Wilbur laughed at that. He waited for everything to get better for so long. But everything stayed the same, the exhaustion only growing bigger as the thoughts got more persistent. 

Yet, Techno wouldn't lie to him. 

Maybe, somewhere behind these tired eyes he knew the never ending exhaustion that Wilbur felt. 

Maybe, the soft smiles he once shared with his family was still something the brunette could experience. 

"I'm going to call dad." Techno said. 

_It'll be okay. You'll be safe again._

Voices turned into a melody as Wilbur was watching the river. It was calling him with it's very existence, but it was hopeless against his brother's embrace. A cruel whisper drowned by an ocean of kind words, a sharp blade barely scratching the shield. 

Wilbur had no idea how much time passed until Phil's car lit his face with an intense light. 

Lately, all time felt irrelevant to him, as if he was living in a different dimension. 

He was guided onto the back seat. 

The car locks sounded after Tommy closed the door on the other side. 

Way back home felt surreal. The lights were shining beautifully, some pop song playing on the radio, only quiet whispers exchanged, too quiet for Wilbur to hear. 

The air was filled with worry, so much one could feel it, despite the upbeat sounds coming from the speakers. 

Realisation was a painful feeling. He was still very much alive and his family knew.

They knew how weak and pathetic he was.

_He should've jumped when he had the chance._

Tommy hugged him. 

_But it's not like he really had a chance._

Somehow Techno was there. Like he saw through his act, like the worried looks his family shared were discussed when he wasn't there. 

He said he's okay so many times. He didn't want them to stop him. It was supposed to be quick and as painless as possible. 

Yet, they somehow knew parts of the script, waiting for the right moment to prove to him that he needs help, a fact he so desperately tried to deny. 

_There are people who need it more._

_He was just seeking attention, wasn't he?_

"We're home." 

Wilbur didn't notice when they stopped or when Techno opened the door. 

He got out only to get trapped in his dad's embrace. They entered the house and the warm light that filled the room was somehow more inviting than the jewels on the river.

He heard his dad say something. 

He needed a few seconds to process the sounds into anything his mind could decipher. A _movie night_. His mind felt like it was a ridiculous concept… yet he nodded with something that resembled enthusiasm. 

The proposition felt surreal. 

He deserved to be shouted at. To be laughed at and told he is a drama queen and should get over his shit. 

To be told he deserved to suffer and that people have it worse than him. 

Instead, he was sat down at the kitchen table and handed his favourite tea in his favourite cup.

What was he supposed to do? 

Say that he is sorry he wants to die despite everything Phil gave him? 

Tell Techno he should've minded his own business? Leave Tommy and be a next person to hurt this child, to betray his trust?

Speaking of his youngest brother, he was approaching the table, his eyes suspiciously watery.

"Will. I have no idea how all this works, but-" Tommy mumbled quickly, looking at him with worry. "Whatever this fucking brain parasite is telling you, it's not true" 

Wilbur was looking at his younger brother, feelings in his heart making him confused. "Thank you, Toms." he meant it.

He was about to leave, make a quick escape for the couch, but the kid tugged his sleeve. "Wil-wilby. Please don't die. " he whispered, trying to keep his voice steady. 

Wilbur's numbness was shattered into pieces by the desperate, raw emotion in his little brother's voice, feelings suddenly powerful and hurting inside. 

"I… It'll be alright." he managed to whisper, because he knew if he said anything more, he would make thousands of promises that were too easy to break.

Phil saved him from any further heartbreak that would come from looking into the teary blue eyes. 

"Tommy, go grab a blanket and help Techno choose a movie, alright?" he hugged the boy and muffled his hair, before listing some potential choices to distract him from the difficult situation. 

"Hurry up Toms or I'll choose alone." sounded the monotone voice from the living room, making the boy wipe his tears as he made his way to the couch, mumbling something about his brother's horrible taste. 

Wilbur was left alone with Phil and he suddenly felt so guilty. How could he have done such a thing to his dad? 

He expected harsh words, anger or disappointment, but none of these came.

Instead, he was met with kindness and worry filling the calm, blue eyes. A part of him hated that, or maybe he just hated himself more than before. 

"Whenever you need to talk, Wil, please just let me know. I'm always here for you and I want to help you. " 

It was so much more than he deserved. 

"I know you're going through a difficult time. I'm here. I'll do what I can to help you. " Phil hesitated for a second. "All I'm asking is, talk to me. If you ever feel bad or-"

"I didn't wanted to bother you with my stupid bullshit." Wilbur interrupted quietly and almost laughed, pain audible in his voice. 

"Oh, Will. You are never bothering me. You are my son. I love you." 

He was pulled into a hug.

Wilbur didn't cry when he was about to end his life. But Phil's word made him break down. 

He was sobbing, as his dad would continue showering him with kind words, the familiar voice making him feel so safe. 

"... and that's okay too. We'll find a good therapist. We can look for someone tomorrow." 

"Dad." he looked up at his father figure, the man who took him in and cared for him for most of his life. Even at such a low point, when even he gave up on himself, Phil was there for him. Strong and caring, bringing him the feeling of peace and safety.

"Thank you so much, dad. For everything."

The older man only smiled. "Let's see if Techno and Tommy managed to choose a movie already. We might have to help them."

In a few minutes, Wilbur was covered in fluffy blankets, hidden in Phil's arms. Both his brothers were hugging him tightly. 

For the first time in forever, Will smiled sincerely.

Maybe he didn't have the strength to fight with the figure holding the sabre anymore. 

But this time, he wasn't alone on the battlefield. Two great warriors and a ball of fury were by his side, ready to defend him from all his demons. 

Everything was truly going to be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> I want to make sure you know you are appreciated and even if we are to never exchange a single message, I’m very happy you exist.
> 
> The life is still before you, everything that’s wrong will be fixed. You will achieve your goals, you’ll be proud of yourself.
> 
> It was a pleasure to host this little story for you.
> 
> -Forever yours, Author
> 
> PS  
> Comments are greatly appreciated


End file.
